I believe life is a collection of journeys.
Journeys of happiness and journeys of sorrow.
Sometimes these journeys are accomplished in a massive leap – other times,
they take several small steps to reach the end.
This week was the start of a potentially very long journey for me, full of doctor visits,
with some tough information to swallow.
At the end of last week, we received the biopsy results stating that it was a recurrence of Ewing’s sarcoma. My sister, currently on spring break from Murray State, arrived at our house on Sunday evening to spend the week with us. On Monday, she told me she had to run into town to grab a few things from the gas station.
She was gone for two hours.
Upon returning, she had a surprise. Another sister, who currently lives in Austria, had flown into Chicago and come to Macomb by train – she was here to spend the week with us, too!!
I was so surprised!
And an added bonus – it was her first time to meet Abbie!
On Tuesday, we traveled to Springfield together to get a PET scan done to determine if the cancer had spread anywhere else in the body. The preliminary results of the scan showed that the tumors are only contained to the left pleural cavity – at least 3 tumors, possibly 4. One is against the front upper chest wall, one against the back lower chest wall and the other almost sitting directly on top of the heart/blood vessel. The fourth tumor, though difficult to tell, could be a continuation of the lower chest wall tumor.
After the scan, my sisters, daughter and I jumped back in the car and drove to St. Louis to meet with the pediatric Oncology doctor who had treated me for the first two diagnoses. He reviewed the PET scan and we talked about my treatment options.
Radiation, though initially recommended, would not be a good choice at this time, due to the location of the tumors. It would be almost impossible to miss the lung and heart with the high dose of radiation needed to zap the tumors, ultimately causing more problems.
After the visit with St. Louis, we traveled back to Springfield and relaxed for a bit. On Wednesday morning, my husband joined us in Springfield as I had my port placed – again. I just got the silly thing out in December! I’ve been sore for a few days and I have lifting restrictions, but just as before, this too will heal.
The next step will be to start chemotherapy soon to see if it will shrink the tumors. If they shrink with chemo, we will have to decide if that is a treatment we want to continue for an indefinite amount of time – for when the chemo stops, the cancer will most likely return. Another option is an autologous stem cell transplant – shrinking the tumors with low dose chemo, harvesting stem cells and then hitting me hard with a very high dose of chemotherapy to drop my counts to zero and transplanting the stem cells back into me in order to regenerate new red and white blood cells, as well as platelets.
There are high risks associated with this, as we have to consider whether or not my body will be able to withstand such a high dose of chemo. This procedure would put me in the hospital for at least 6 weeks.
Since they would be dropping my immune system to absolutely nothing, I would be in complete isolation in order to prevent any infection, which could be deadly.
And at the end of all this, there is not a 100% guarantee that it would even work.
I’m doing a lot of research into various types of treatments, as the survival rates of Ewing’s recurrence are not very promising. Alongside treatment options, I’m trying to keep my faith and positive attitude, even though it’s pretty hard to do sometimes. It’s such a cliche to say that life isn’t fair – but sometimes it truly isn’t fair.
And I’m having a very hard time understanding the reasoning behind all of this –
but how will that change anything?
As I’ve preached many times, I can either choose to be angry – or choose to use this experience for good and stay positive. There is much power in positive thinking, I believe this wholeheartedly.
I think I can still let myself be angry about it sometimes and no one would think that was wrong – but I have to harness that anger and not let it consume me.
There is so much more to life than anger.
All of us will die one day, and whether we know how that’s going to happen or not, we have to enjoy every single day we have.
We have to smile, we have to laugh,
we have to let go of the things that we cannot change.
Since the very first day I was diagnosed with kidney failure in 2001, I have not always been perfect at following that advice. I have let anger get the better of me – I have chosen to complain about things instead of feeling blessed for what I have – I have “sweated over the small stuff.”
But remember that none of us are perfect.
We will mess up, we’ll fall down – but it’s in getting back up and choosing to have the positive attitude that will get us through whatever we may be going through.
This journey is going to be really hard for me – these posts will be difficult to write sometimes…but I plan to chronicle each step of this journey, however hard it may be.
It will be my own personal therapy.
I have a feeling that this journey will require several small steps, hopefully always moving forward. And I hope that you, my readers, will join me along this journey, by reading my blog and in prayer – I know I won’t be alone in this. Your support means so much to my family and I – I can never explain how much it means to us.
Continue to keep us in your prayers and I will pray for all of you.
You are in our prayers daily, Sarah. I put you on our church prayer list as well. You have many many prayers going up for you & your sweet little family. Love, the Dents
Praying for you Sarah!
Praying for peace and comfort… You are such an amazing strong young lady!!!
You amaze me. Anything Robin and I can do please let us know. We will be happy to do anything you need. Prayers.
Sarah, we are praying for you and your beautiful family. Your positive attitude is such an inspiration for all. Blessings Holly
Daily prayers for you Sarah and your family
Sending prayers for understanding and guidance? Keeping you and your family in our hearts
Albers Family
Xoxo
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!
Thinking of you and your family, Sarah. You’re all in my prayers ❤️
No humans are 100% positive all the time-give yourself a break. No answers to why. Baby steps a good strategy. I read recently that long term treatment of cancer with chemicals it becoming more common as scary as that sounds-and cancer treatments are rapidly evolving much more rapidly than in the past. Best wishes in the decision making and in all things in the days and weeks to come. Prayers for the best possible outcome. Hugs and Happy Easter
As always Sarah …. you and your family are in our prayers….you know where we are….just pick up the phone, call and we will be there!
Sarah, you are such an inspiration of strength and how a positive mind can do great healing. You are in my prayers, pretty momma. God bless you always.
Prayers being continually sent for you and your family. God bless you.
Prayers your way
Many blessings have come to Sarah through the kindness and prayers of friends and strangers.
This past weekend, as we celebrated Christ’s sacrifices for us, I was especially mindful of that work by others. Her pain is less, she has more energy, her appetite improved! Keep praying! This past weekend family came together because friends made it happen. We had transportation, food, baby’s milk, all provided. These sacrifices by others -and especially the prayers, made for a fabulous Easter celebration! The prayers help us all to take those small steps every day,
Especially grateful for those of you for the sacrifice of your time and talents. It does not go unnoticed!
Sarah, I am at a loss for the “right” words, if there are any. I will continue reading your blogs. They are inspiring. I will be saying extra prayers for you & your family
Praying for you, sweet cousin. I’m so sorry you’re going through this again, and so glad you have so many dear sisters at the ready 🙂
Keeping you and your family in my prayers Sarah. I get a lot out of reading your blog. Thank you for sharing. Keep on keeping on with your strength and positivity. Love to you all! Melanie
Sarah I will pray for you and your little family continuely. You are doing a remarkable thing by journaling your journey. If you need anything I will what ever I can for you! You are one of the toughest people I know and I admire you as you wage war once again on this terrible curse called cancer!
Sarah, You and your family are in my prayers because there is power in the name of Jesus Christ and there is power in the Blood that He shed on Calvary for you.
Spoke w ur Mom and she updated me on the Doc from Cleveland Clinic!
Prayers continued for you, your family and those involved in your tx
Xox Albers family
You are such an amazing young woman and I admire you! Keep being positive and have faith that God will never leave you. You are an inspiration to so many. God bless you!?
Prayers for you Sarah and your family! You are such a strong person and some people could really learn a lot from reading your blogs! Continued prayers!
You inspire me to live each day to the fullest! The Casper’s are praying for you daily and also your family keep your faith during this journey!
You are such a blessing to so many people Sarah…. I will continue to pray for you and will be there for you in anyway I can…. God will give you the strength to get through this. I love you dear friend❤️