Smiling with Sarah

Let your smile inspire!

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by

Good News!

“Do you want to hear some good news?”
“Do you have good news for me?”

Those were the first words we spoke to each other on Wednesday morning.
Until he entered the room, I was anxious and nervous – knowing that the results I was about to get would go one of two ways…
either it was working, or it wasn’t.

Michael and my uncle Rusty were with me, and I was more concerned with how they would take the news
(the assumed bad news) than myself.
I was trying really, really hard to be strong for them.

As Dr. Anderson sat down, he continued…  “No evidence of active disease, and I can’t see any tumors.”

(Images on left are from pre-vaccine, July 2017.
Images on right are after 4 vaccines, October 2017.)

In non-medical terms, that means:
We don’t even see tumors there anymore, and if we did, they’d all be dead!

As Michael put it later, it was like a “big weight was lifted.”

And it was!

But it has taken a while to sink in.

You see, I have had some very depressing scan results in the recent past, and I had fallen into the habit of “planning for the worst” because, well, I’m a planner. And even if it’s planning for the worst, I was still planning.

The more I replay that conversation, the more I realize how close I came to not being a part of this trial.
How close I came to not getting such good news.
Dr. Anderson pulled strings to get me into this trial.
“Compassionate use” is the term used when you get to take advantage of not-yet-approved therapies
when no other treatment options exist.

I was nearing the end of the line for treatment options.

Last fall, I was randomized to the chemotherapy group instead of the vaccine group.  After four rounds, I was pulled off of the trial because of the toxicity of the side effects.
I thought we were nearing the end of the road for treatment options then.

But how can you say that there is not a God when, a mere six months later, I have relapsed and told that the trial has been revised (everyone would receive the vaccine now) and, though I don’t meet all of the requirements for participation, ‘compassionate use’ is being granted and I would receive the vaccine.

Like any clinical trial, there were risks involved.
What if the cancer didn’t go away?
What if it made the cancer grow and spread?

But what other avenue could I place hope in?
My only hope was in therapies that had not yet been fully approved.

In the past few months, I have read some incredibly life-changing books,
one of them called Being Mortal by Atul Gawande.
The take away from the book is that, often times, we are more concerned with extending the quantity of life (sometimes by prolonging suffering) rather than improving the quality of the time we have left.
He writes about how there is nothing wrong with looking for that “tail of possibility,”
but it means nothing unless we have prepared “for the outcome that’s vastly more probable.”
(Gawande, Atul, author. (2014). Being mortal : medicine and what matters in the end.
New York: Metropolitan Books, Henry Holt and Company)

A very realistic approach to life – but often times, a very difficult one that many, including myself, try to avoid.

This news feels like the beginning of a new life.  And in some ways, it is.

The slate is clean, the future is bright – and most importantly, the future is there.
It can sure be a dark place sometimes, not knowing if the future would be there or not.

As I conclude, I want to thank each and every single one of you – those I know and those whom I’ve never met.

Your strength gave me strength.

Your hope gave me hope.

Your love and prayers gave me a light when it seemed like the dark would last forever.

I do not have enough words to thank you for the impact you have had on my life.

I hope that my story has inspired someone along the way to look at life in a more positive light.
That’s been my number one goal, even if it’s been hard to maintain that positivity sometimes.

I will continue to write, hopefully now about happier things!
I want to be that strength for others, like you have been for me.
I want to offer hope, love and prayers to others who may be having difficulty finding the light again.

Thank you for loving me – for loving my family – through this difficult chapter in our lives.
Let’s close it now and move on to happier moments!

“Let your smile inspire!”

Comments

  2. Oh Sarah . . . .again I need my kleenex before reading your post . . . but this time for a happy reason!! This truly is a miracle and an answer to all of the prayers that have been said!!! God is good!!!!

  3. This is such awesome news!! So happy for you and your family Sarah!! Continued blessings and prayers!! God is good, all the time!! ?

  4. Thank you for such an uplifting report. Prayers ARE answered. Love you.
    Uncle Raymond……………

  8. Praise God, i now have tears thanking God for His Healing Powers on your life. I cant wait to share with our church who have been praying for you. God has already used you to touch many lives and i know He will ccontinue to as you give Him all the Glory!

  10. Great wonderful news !! You just made my day you awesome warrior !! But I told you – you had this!! Love ya ❤️ . Talk to you soon.

  11. THIS IS SUCH GREAT NEWS!!!! PRAISE GOD, SO MANY ANSWERED PRAYERS!! So happy for you and your family!!❤️❤️❤️??????

  16. This makes me so happy! It’s good to hear about someone winning the fight! Enjoy your baby girl and your husband.

  37. My Box of a clean X are empty and yes sir we know there is a God .You’re a faith is so strong and you’re such a strong beautiful young lady we love you very much . God is good all the time!??

  42. You are beautiful and so glad to hear the good news! So glad you went on vacation with your siblings too! Celebrate!!!

  46. This is fabulous news! I was so disappointed when you weren’t randomized for this treatment and then very relieved when you were approved at last. I just had a feeling that it was going to work for you. I am so very happy for you and your family!

  47. Sarah, Sarah, Sarah! I am over the moon happy at your awesome results. I understand the joy of having that huge weight lifted as that was how we felt when we got Will’s scan reports. You have already accomplished so very much in your time here on earth and I believe God has great plans for your future. I know you will keep spreading that smile everywhere you go! Today we celebrate you and your good news and thank God for the new lease on life you have been given.

  48. I have been praying for you and your family when I met Michael at the clinic in June he was so concerned for you my heart went out for your family God does answer prayers so God pless. All of you Jean

  49. God Bless you and your perfect little family. Sarah I have followed you watching from afar and praying so hard for good news for you and Michael. Another miracle God is Great!! You are such an inspiration.

  50. Happy tears, hugs, and grateful praise down on the farm. The old folks love you and God does awesome work. Enjoy that beautiful blessed life of yours!

  51. You are amazing, so incredibly strong. God bless you and all your family, so happy for you!

  52. You are an amazing, brave person. I wish you all the continued health and happiness in the world.

  54. God is good! I am so happy for you and your family!!!! This couldn’t happen to a more deserving person!!!! Hugs!

  55. Such a blessing!! Your beautiful inside and out and I’m so glad you have received such wonderful news!! God is good!!❤️

  56. God is great!! Such good news Sarah!! We all love you guys so much here in Indiana. Hope to see you soon!

  58. Remember you Sarah from Bickford… God is good.. praise the Lord and you are an inspiration and miracle…

  61. I am rereading this as it was my favorite blog..you are a incredible woman ,may God continue to always be with You..you have been my inspiration thru a year of Dual Malignancies in my lungs…
    My good friend Wendy Russell always speaks of your love and strength and it shows..prayers, love and smiles for you,dear Sarah

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Easter Sunday, April 1st, 2018, 6:14 am. We’ll begin at that moment, when the new season began, when the early gray light of dawn seemed to shift and Sarah took her final peaceful breaths with her parents’ hands on her heart. I’ll be there for you (When the rain starts to pour) I’ll be there […]

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