Yesterday was a long day for Michael and I – a full day of driving from western Illinois to northeastern Ohio. During this road trip, we stopped a few times to use the restroom and to stretch our legs.
As I was walking around the rest area, I felt the muscles stretch in my legs, swinging my arms to get the blood flowing before getting back in the car for several hours. But there was something else – I was taking in nice, long deep breaths.
I quickly realized that these full deep breaths were now on a countdown. In the next few days, my “set” of lungs will be reduced to just one and I may never experience a refreshing deep breath like this ever again.
This is incredibly terrifying. I’m very concerned about what my future activity level will be like once this lung comes out. Part of me wants to think that there won’t be any change, but then I realize how silly that is, because we’re born with a set of lungs for a reason!
The other part that really scares me is the fact that I am losing one part of a vital organ needed for survival. We are born with these organs to help us thrive in life. And I’m losing one of them.
I remember 13 months ago, as we were preparing for Abbie’s induction, receiving shots to strengthen her lungs. That was the most important part of preparing her for an earlier-than-expected birth, as it for most early inductions. She came out putting those strong lungs to use! Lungs are something that are so incredibly important – and until you are faced with the possibility of their failure, you do not realize their significance.
To some, this may seem silly to be worried about. After all, the lung is full of cancer. Who wouldn’t want it out? But this cancer is a beast wherever it resides. It could have taken up residence anywhere else, but it chose to inhabit my lung. A lung that has served me well for roughly the last 26 years.
It feels like I am losing a piece of myself. And in a way, I am.
Though I have never experienced losing a limb, I feel like the best comparison is to that of a “phantom limb.” Once this surgery happens, it’s gone forever. I won’t be able to get it back. And there may be times when I remember that it’s gone and have those “phantom feelings.”
People always say hindsight is 20/20.
I wonder sometimes if what we’re doing here is the right thing. And I’m not sure that I really know the answer to that. I know what I would like the answer to be, but what you hope for and what is reality can be very different. Once this is done, there’s no going back.
“Science only goes so far … then comes God.”
I had a full day of testing today – testing to determine how my lungs functioned, whether my body would be able to withstand this operation and the recovery that will come afterwards. I found out that my right lung has picked up the slack for the left lung over time, causing the right to function at 76% and the left to function at 24%. Going into surgery, this is good to know.
Surgery will last about 6 hours. Before they do anything with the lung, one of the tumors, sitting atop my heart vessel, has to be detached, then they will carefully “disconnect” the lung from the blood supply. I’ll have drains to remove any build-up of excess fluid, three IV’s – one being in the jugular vein of my neck – a thoracic epidural and I will be intubated, just to name a few things that were covered today. Some of the major risks include bleeding, heart issues and blood clots. And the pain – whoa, let’s not even go there!
I know that my team is the best of the best, and I’m thankful for that every single day. The specialists plan to do everything that they possibly can to rid my body of this cancer before they’re done with me, even inserting heated iodine into my chest cavity before moving me out of the OR. However, this is a major surgery and no surgery is risk-free.
There will be nothing placed in the empty space where the left lung will have been. Over time, it will fill with fluid, which I’m told is totally normal and nothing to worry about. If the disease reoccurs in the right lung, or elsewhere, we’ll have to figure out another plan of action to tackle it.
I cannot express enough thanks to all of our family and friends, even some we’ve never even met, who are praying hard for us right now. It means more than you’ll ever know!! We’re so blessed to have a massive army of prayer warriors in all of you and we thank you for that.
Over the next few days, I plan on taking walks – and enjoying those last full, deep breaths with two lungs. I’m grateful for those 26-ish years that my left lung served me well. The last year and a half has been a bit rough to say the least, but aside from the worries, aside from the fear … I trust that God will wrap his arms around me and keep me safe during this surgery. He’ll let me go home to my baby girl, whom I’m missing like crazy!! He’ll let me continue living this great life that He gave me – to keep inspiring people going through life’s rough spots.
This is the hardest battle that I’ve been dealt yet, but I know I’m not fighting it alone.
Prayers for you, your family and your surgerical team! ?. Josi’s Nana
You are in my prayers Sarah! You are one strong lady!
Thinking of you and sending healing thoughts your way.
Abbie is just darling!
Praying for you, your a family and your medical team.
You are a woman/mother to be greatly admired, beautiful and beautifully tough.
Your strength and outlook are incredible. Keep your positive attitude and faith in God. Bith will serve you well in this fight. I have been praying for you pretty girl.
Sarah I’m weeping as I read this. You are so brave and have such a beautiful soul. You are in my prayers and my heart.
You and God have got this ! Prayers and Love !
Praying for you, the surgical team, your family and your recovery.
You and your family continue to be in our prayers. May God grant you blessings of strength, healing & love!
Such a powerful set of words! You are in my prayers daily for total healing!
Healing prayers to you Sarah! You have an amazing attitude!
Prayers from Indiana Sarah! We love you very much and can’t wait to see you again very soon!
Dan, myself and our family have been praying for you Sarah…you explained everything so well I admit my eyes were filled with tears…I hope you can enjoy your next couple days with Mike walking around and relaxing…you are very special, strong and an inspiration to us all…God bless you and your family…you can do this!
I saw your blog posted on Tiffany’s FB. It caught my attention because I am a 3x cancer survivor and had a pnemonectomy 2 years ago…although the lung was due to a nasty infection. Anyways, I haven’t found many young people with one lung and if you ever want to chat, I’m available! In any case, you’re in my prayers!
You are an amazing young woman. Stay strong and keep smiling, for God is watching over you and your beautiful family. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.
I wish you the best and you will be in my thoughts and prayersI do believe that God will do everything he can for you to get you back to your family and friends
Our weekly bible study, Joe, and I are praying for you and your family. We believe that the Lord has a plan for your life, and He will sustain you and bring you the health and healing that many are seeking for your restoration to be done. God bless you as you continue on this journey to becoming cancer free, so that God will be glorified for all to see.
I think about you daily Sarah! Thoughts and prayers are coming your way. God is in charge here and I know he has a plan for such a special person– YOU!!!
You are such a strong beautiful lady with such great faith. Praying for you during this time. May God give you strength, calmness, and be with you during this operation and wrap his loving arms around you. May he also guide the physicians hands and give them everything they need to make this surgery a successful one. Sending love and hugs. You and God have got this.
Keeping you in our thoughts and prayers, my friend. God is good and He is watching over you and the medical staff. We love you, Sarah! Blessings to you and your precious family.
Prayers for you Sarah and for your family and medical team. ??
Prayers!
Prayers for you Sarah.??❤️
Prayers❤
Sarah, you have the right attitude to get through this! I had the same surgery 6 1/2 years ago and am still here fighting the good fight! Our bodies are amazing and they want to heal! Your right lung will surprise you at how over time it supports your body as if it had been doing it all along. I pray for a successful surgery and a speedy recovery. Be patient with yourself as your body is working so hard to heal. Take it one day at a time. Keeping you in my prayers??
Sending positive healing thoughts and vibes ❤️?❤️
Please stay positive at all times. Attitude is very important. Just tell the Doctors to do their job, and you will do yours! You are in my prayers young lady.
Keep up the faith Sara, prayers going your way!!!!
You are loved by many my sweet Sara
You and Michael are definitely in our prayers.
My prayers continue for you and your family!
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I believe in the Power of Prayer for I too asked for prayers for my youngest son who had a brain tumor and happy to say the surgeon and staff at the Mayo Clinic was able to remove the tumor successfully. My heart goes out to you and your family. You are a very strong and inspiring woman that will get thru this and be home with your precious family and love life to its fullest. God Bless you and I will follow your journey as so many others will too. Hope. Faith. Courage. Strength and Love. ❤
Hi Sarah, You don’t know me but I along with so many others have been praying for you ever since I heard your story. We do have some people in common….My nephew is Doug, so I know your mother-in-law and my daughter Jennifer recently had the pleasure of meeting you. I have been praying and you are on our prayer list at my church and prayers continue for you and your family. I hope you know what an inspiration you are to me and others and I pray that our God will take your pain away, heal your body and get you back to your family very soon. Brenda