This was the start of chemo.
Monday morning, 11 AM.
On Sunday night, I was digging out my numbing cream to make the sting of the needle hurt a bit less.
As my husband and I said our goodbyes on Monday morning, I broke down in tears in his arms,
asking him why we had to do this again…
As the same nurse prepared to hook me up on Monday morning that hooked me up for my last first treatment,
I asked her why the weird look – she just shook her head.
“Don’t you cry, or else I’ll cry,” I said. And then she cried…
There were a lot of things that day that didn’t seem fair.
I knew the routine all too well.
The looks on the faces of the staff were somber; we all felt it, but wouldn’t say it.
However, these ladies are my friends and I enjoyed seeing them again – however crazy that may sound.
Their job is one of mixed feelings, I’d think. You befriend the patients you take care of, but you hope that when they’re finished with chemo, you’ll never have to see them again.
I had a plan of working on a number of things while I was sitting in my chair on that first day, but I’m getting a lot of anti-nausea meds, which also make me sleepy. It’s hard to do anything when you’re dozing every minute! Finally, I just gave in to it and let myself nap.
So far, that is the biggest difference I have noticed between treatments.
My daily infusion only lasts 2.5 hours and then I meet up with my sister and daughter.
We usually take an afternoon nap and then go into the city for a while;
grocery shopping for our meals or doing some recreational shopping.
So far, I haven’t had any side effects, except the intense drowsiness.
Most chemotherapy side effects don’t kick in until 7-10 days later, so next week may likely be a difficult week.
My sister will be coming to stay with us while I manage through these side effects.
It’s very helpful to have her around, giving my husband the opportunity to work or to solely be with me.
What has made this week much easier to get through, however, has been the love and support
from so many people.
Many who are reading this right now.
Through your cards, gifts, thoughts and prayers, you have given my family the courage to battle this once again.
I just want to share a few of those gifts with all of you.
This special gift was given to me by my great uncle Raymond. For many years, he has crafted beautiful things out of wood. My mother’s parents, his brother, had a beautiful dogwood tree on their property when they were still living and he had saved some wood from it long ago.
Hearing of this latest diagnosis, he dug out this wood from his collection and crafted a beautiful necklace for me.
As my grandparents have been gone for a while, this gift is priceless.
And if you did not know the legend behind the dogwood tree, look it up – it’s so interesting!
I have received so many cards over the last few weeks and I love each and every one of them.
Hand written notes are hard to come by these days, and when you receive a card, you can feel the love that someone has for you. They took the time to sit down and write out a message to you, a message of love and hope and concern. I still have every single card I received from last summer’s diagnosis and I intend to keep all of the cards from this as well.
My niece is 9 years old and lives in Chicago. We don’t see each other often, but we were blessed to be together this past Easter. She does not quite understand the severity of a disease like this, and perhaps that’s a good thing.
But it doesn’t lessen her ability to convey her love and concern.
She gave me these notes during Easter weekend and they made me cry.
The sweet innocence of a child cannot be compared to anything else in this world –
they may not yet understand everything about this life, but they understand love.
And that is the most important.
Cancer is a nasty, terrible, disgusting thing. And the side effects of its treatment aren’t that much better, either. However, loving family and friends make the journey a whole lot easier. Family members who will put their lives on hold to be with you when you need them; gifts that come from the heart; loving words from friends who are pulling for you.
As terrible as cancer is, cancer is also the opportunity to see how wonderful and loving the people in this world can be. My name is on more prayer chains than I can count right now and that makes me smile 🙂
There are folks all over the world, praying for my return to good health, and they have never even met me.
We may only hear of the negative stuff going on in the world, but let us also remember that there is still good in this world.
God created all of us to love, and so much love is being shown to my family right now ~
we are forever grateful.
In times of need, people do come together and just love.
Though there will be ways in which we can never repay our family and friends,
my husband and I agree that we will pay it forward,
helping others during their times of need in whatever ways we can.
The greatest gift you can give someone is the gift of your love.
I am blessed to have received all of the love thus far.
you’ve got this.
This is beautiful! Thank you for sharing your story! You are an inspiration.
I don’t even know what to say. Your strength and positivity is amazing. You are a talented writer and reading your posts give me a deeper appreciation of life and those around me. I wish you the best Sarah! I truly believe that with your terrific attitude that you can and will overcome this.
Love is the greatest gift of all! My heart goes out to you at this difficult time.
Thinking of you and your family often, Sarah. You know the battle, and it can be beaten. Hang tough.
I wish I could give you a hug right now. Stay strong for your baby. I love your positive attitude. You are going to beat this!
Sending prayers from Chester, IL.
I love reading your blogs Sarah- you really should be writing novels- I’m sure they would help so many that are going thru the same storms that you are. Love your strength, your faith & your positive attitude. If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it. Love you all❤️
You are forever in my thoughts. I always remember being in your kindergarten class watching you learn to read. Then I spent that wonderful time in Girl Scouts with your mom and all your friends. It was so much fun seeing you and Amber running around with your sisters and swinging on your backyard swing. You have a very special place in my heart. You are a very strong woman and will beat this. I just wish this horrible disease would leave you alone already! Bless you!
thank you for sharing this difficult time with all of us. My heart goes out to you and your family. As someone said in a previous message – You Got This. F…ck Cancer as Steve Amell says. Hugs to you all.
You are very brave. My 23 yr old son was just diagnosed with Stage 4 Synovial Sarcoma 2/2016. Had his left leg amputated on 3/17/16. Had his 1st chemo treatment (4days in the hospital. Has 5 more like this coming up) this past week. He is not handling this well. Having Tourette’s and now this…..he is so young. His coping skills are not good. I know that he is affraid of the unknown….how long he has we have not been given….there is no exactness with cancer. I wish u the very best
We love you!!
Sarah we worked together at Bickford . Me as the cook, you as the activity director.You were always so loving and caring to the residents it is no surprise to me how much love is shown to you and your family. I only heard about your cancer returning a few days ago. You are in my prayers daily. I will continue to pray for you daily until that nasty cancer is gone. Stay strong. Love ya!!
Sending our love and keeping you in our prayers. Thank you for sharing your journey. Your daughter is precious!
hugs and prayers
I remember how hard you’ve fought this disease in the past and your courage and strength continue to amaze me. You were a special young lady when you were in my class and you’re an even more amazing young woman now. I’ve always been told that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle, so He knows your strength, too, but enough is enough! My prayers are with you and your family as you show the world what Appleknockier Tough is!!
You are such an amazing, beautiful young woman! Your words and love will surely bless more people than you can imagine. You are in our thoughts and prayers, as is your family! Stay strong, positive, and never stop believing that God is in control and is with you through the good and hard times. We love you! ?
Sarah, your strength is amazing, but not surprising. My prayers are with you and your family. May God watch over you during this time.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. It makes me feel like I’m there with you. We admire you so much and we’re constantly praying for you.
Sarah,
You are such an inspiration. I have never met you yet I feel I know you. Thank you for your vulnerability and honesty. You remind me of my best friend, your Aunt Wendy. You are much like her in these same ways.
Hoping and praying for God’s mercy and blessings.
Leanne
Beautiful words from a Beautiful soul❤️ Fly high Sarah🙏🏻❤️