At the Crossroads of Happiness and Anger

I have been asked for several years, “How do you remain so positive?”
I have a very simple answer – “I just have to.”

For me, it’s not a choice whether or not I will remain positive.
When I first found myself at the crossroad between Happiness and Anger, I chose anger.

After my initial cancer diagnosis, I got very upset.  I was mean to doctors, nurses and family members.
I wouldn’t cooperate when asked to; I had temper tantrums like a small child.

My dad finally sat me down one day and said, “Sarah, none of this is fair.  It really sucks.
But you are being mean to all of these people who are trying to help you, and it’s got to stop.
You can either use this experience for good or for bad.”

I thought long and hard about what he said.
He was exactly right.
Where was this anger going to get me?  How was it making me productive in taking care of myself?
It wasn’t.

From then on, I decided that I wanted to use my experiences, as crappy as they were, for good instead of bad.
I wanted to inspire others going through similar situations.
I chose to take the route of happiness instead of anger.

As the community began hearing about my story – a teenager who had encountered a kidney transplant and a cancer diagnosis – I was invited to speak at various events.
I attended a basketball shoot-out to raise awareness for organ donation.
I met Jesse White, Illinois Secretary of State.
I also traveled alongside a lady from his office and spoke to local driver’s ed students about the importance of organ donation.
I was invited to speak at numerous local Relay for Life events.
I felt like I had achieved something when people would come up to me and say, “You really inspired me!  I want to be an organ donor now!” or “I’m going to donate blood because your story touched my heart!”

After my second cancer diagnosis, I started becoming even more appreciative of life and living with a positive attitude.  I didn’t understand why this had to happen to me, but I did what I had to do
and I did it with a smiling face.

Now I’m dealing with my fourth diagnosis and it hasn’t always been easy to stay positive.
How much does a person have to endure?

A few months ago, they discovered that the chemo regimen that I was on wasn’t working – some tumors were growing.  They switched to a different drug – a more intense one.
My first dose was in June and I had little to no side effects from that.
My second dose came last week and I hope to continually be blessed with little negative effect.

My pain is becoming more frequent, however, and that is worrisome.  As much as I try to stay positive, it’s sometimes very hard to do when you’re hurting.  I let my mind wander to worst case scenarios, which doesn’t help toward positivity, but it is something common among every single cancer patient out there.

As I’ve gotten older, I have noticed I spend a bit more time at the crossroads between Happiness and Anger.
Maybe that comes with age, or maybe it comes from being knocked down so many times.
Or maybe the two go hand in hand.

Whatever it is, I have a major source of inspiration to take the Happiness road.

It comes from my daughter.

This beautiful little face.

She helps keep me going.
(And wears me out a bit, too!)

But the fight isn’t over yet and I’m not giving in.

I simply ask that you say a prayer for this body of mine to eliminate my pain and keep me strong to keep fighting.

And when you find yourself at a crossroads of life, I hope that you’ll take the one that will help you
use your experiences for good rather than bad.

Choose Happiness over Anger.