A lot of Fight left in me

On October 16, 2015, I had surgery to remove the 8 various-sized tumors within my pleural cavity.

This was the first surgery I had had that was cancer related; my other two diagnoses had not required an extensive surgery quite like this one.

I was so scared…

I remember the drive to Springfield on October 15 with my husband and daughter.  Abbie was just one month old, and I knew I’d be receiving additional chemo after the surgery.  On the drive, I got the nerve up to finally talk to my husband about what to do if I didn’t come out of this surgery.  Talk about an emotionally raw talk…

I had been thinking about that scenario for days and was always afraid to bring it up – because who ever wants to think about that?  But I finally brought it up while on the drive.

“I want to donate whatever organs I can,” I remember saying.  “I want you to continue living your life… raise our daughter well and be happy.”  Tears were just streaming down my face.  As he gripped tighter onto the steering wheel, he began with – “Don’t even talk like that, everything will be fine.”  But after a few minutes of silence, letting what I had said sink in, he had his questions.  “Where do you want to be buried?”  That wasn’t a hard one.  “Wherever you’ll be beside me…”

Then we held hands in silence for a long time…

As frightened as I was for my surgery and all of the things that could possibly go wrong, I was also rejoicing in the fact that my surgeon was the top-rated thoracic surgeon in Illinois and this was not his first rodeo.  I was happy for the fact of getting these nasty tumors out of me and being able to get back on with my wonderful life.

We were up at 5 AM on the 16th.  As we sat in the waiting room, waiting to get called back – my husband, my daughter, my mother, my mother-in-law and her friend – it was becoming more and more real and I was getting scared.  Then my mom hands me her phone and says – “Watch this.  This was made for you.”

As the video loaded, I realized that many of my family members had sent in pictures to cheer me on before my surgery.  The story behind it was that my uncle had heard “Fight Song” by Rachel Platten on the radio a few days before, for the very first time.  He called up my sister and asked her if she would reach out to family members and create a slideshow of photos synced to that song, to inspire me before heading into surgery.

The first few notes of the song played and I immediately broke down in tears – happy tears.

My family and friends, throughout this entire journey, have been phenomenal and there are not enough words to thank them.  I still watch the video from time to time and I get inspired every single time!

I am reminded of Joey+Rory, the country duo, as I write this.  Sadly, Joey passed away earlier today from a 20-month battle with cancer.  If you’ve never visited Rory’s blog, I strongly encourage you to do so – http://www.thislifeilive.com.

Before her diagnosis came in 2014, Joey + Rory recorded a song called “When I’m Gone.”  To watch this video now, you can feel the reality dripping from the lyrics.  Her family is living those lyrics as we speak.

My heart hurts for Rory right now.

Choosing to make their experiences so public opened up the door for a lot of uncertainties.
However, their love was strong right until the end and that was clear.

Never underestimate the power of music.  There are lyrics for every happy, joyous, sad, angry, shocking moment in our lives.  There is a song out there for you – and if you haven’t found it yet, I’m sure you will.

You are never alone on this journey called life.