Once you have found your soulmate, life can’t get much better.
However, if you are currently undergoing treatment or are a cancer survivor, it can also be a very scary time for the two of you as a couple.
When you get married, you don’t just gain a spouse – you gain their family as well. You have more people caring about you and wanting the best for you – as well as worry about you when something, like an illness, happens.
I met my husband, Michael, in 2010 – 3 years after completing my last round of treatment for my second diagnosis. I had visible scars, so within the first week of meeting, I had shared my health history with him. I was blessed when he chose to stay and love everything about me, and I knew very early on that he would be the man I would marry.
We got married in 2014 (7 years cancer free) and it was one of the best days of my life! We loved becoming part of the others’ family and were quite hopeful for the future that was waiting for us.
There was always a fear in the back of my mind, though. What if my cancer came back? For many years, even before meeting Michael, I would say a silent prayer almost every day, asking God to please spare my future husband and in-laws from having to endure this disease with me. I didn’t think I could bear it if I was diagnosed again; I would be worried about how my husband would handle it.
This had been a thought in my mind from the beginning – and it had also been in the back of Michael’s mind. He knew what my health risks were, but he loved me enough to stand beside me and speak the words “…in sickness and in health,” knowing that we very well could be dealing with cancer again in the future.
Unfortunately, that became a reality a little over a year after we got married. I was pregnant at the time, which made the entire situation much scarier.
My husband remained my rock through all of it. I shed many tears in his presence, but he never let me see him break down. His buddies were a great support system for him, and I was extremely grateful for that. We were able to talk about our fears, but also our hopes for the future – that I would be cured and we would be able to get on with a normal life.
But is life ever “normal” after a cancer diagnosis?
It may be normal in some ways, but it will never be the same normal that you had before the diagnosis. Both of you are different people after going through a serious illness like cancer. Even though I was the one receiving the treatment, he felt the effects of the disease, too.
He felt the absolute numbness when I was diagnosed.
He felt the fear when I would have treatment or go for another scan; since I was pregnant, we were always fearful of how the baby would respond to all of the testing.
He felt the sadness when my hair started falling out. When I told him it was time to shave my head, he got his clippers and went to work – no questions asked. And then he shaved his head, too…
He felt the joy when my final treatment came – we rejoiced together when the scan came back clear.
Through all of that, though he never once told me, I know that he was extremely scared of losing his wife.
And upon this 4th diagnosis, he still remains my rock. Shortly after the news came, I asked him – “We’ll get through this again, won’t we?” He smiled and said – “We’ve been through the worst. And everything turned out okay. We’re going to get through this.”
And we will…
