Let’s be Still…

Have you ever felt like life is rushing all around you and you can’t quite catch up?
In moments where you would like to be still, you find yourself caught up in the craziness we call life.

I began my fourth round of chemo this week and so far, I’m feeling good.
I feel like these chemo weeks are flying right on by.

I showed up to Springfield on Monday with substantial pain in my lower left side
and my doctor decided to do a few tests.
I had a chest CT done on Tuesday and it shows that some masses are shrinking, but others are increasing.

I’m not really sure how to feel about this.

I don’t know how many treatment options there are for this type of tumor.
But I do know that this type of tumor can be fast growing; that it can be defiant with chemotherapy.
Once chemo stops, it will most likely begin growing again – or in this case, growing regardless of the chemo.

My Springfield doctor is recommending that I visit Cleveland sooner than planned to get the specialists’ thoughts on where to go from here.  I was scheduled to visit Cleveland at the end of July; now I’m looking at mid June.

I can’t help but feel “deflated” – will our next moves be those of drastic measure,
such as surgery or radiation or something like that?

I’m really questioning why the chemo can’t just do its job and get rid of it?

Then I realize that cancer SUCKS and it doesn’t always work that way.
That’s why we have those we honor as cancer survivors, and those we remember as cancer fighters.
Because this disease is brutal and doesn’t care who it takes away.

I’m doing my best to keep the faith and I am hopeful for curative options.

My husband and I both know that it could be worse.
Though a size increase is never good, at least it isn’t spreading elsewhere.

And we hope that it doesn’t.

For now, it’s still just contained to the left pleural cavity; it hasn’t moved into the chest wall or the bones.
And that’s wonderful news!

We do hope the specialist in Cleveland that we have been communicating with has ideas for treatment that will let me continue on the path for a long life, with hardly any side effects and keeping the disease at bay,
if not totally ridding my body of it.

My husband and I have been working on a small addition on the side of our garage.
It is going to be our unwinding “oasis” – a spot where we can retreat to when we just need to let go and relax.

And I ask that you take a moment in your life to just be still…
It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the tasks of everyday life
and sometimes we forget to slow down.

Make sure you don’t spend your entire life rushing through it.
You might miss the very best things.