Where has the Time gone?

As I’m sitting here writing this, my house is quiet.  My husband and child are asleep and I’m enjoying the peacefulness of the click-click-click as I type.  I am thinking back over the last several months and wondering, like we all do, where has the time gone?

My diagnosis came in late June, early July of 2015.  I knew that I wouldn’t continue working during my treatment; it would be better for me to let my body relax and prepare for chemo, and for my baby.

When a diagnosis comes, not everyone has the ability to stop working.  Some enjoy the fact that they are able to keep working – it gives them a sense of purpose and drive.  I was happy that I would have a break – however long that may be.

And now my break is coming to an end…

I return to work on February 8th.  I definitely have mixed feelings about it.  I am not looking forward to leaving my daughter for 8 hours a day … we have been together since the day she was born.  And even though I knew this day was coming, it doesn’t make it any easier to look forward to.

But then I am reminded that this is a positive thing – it will be nice to get back into the flow of work, back to socializing with co-workers, back to a steady income – and I have to look at it in the sense that I’m doing this to better the life of my child.

I am blessed beyond measure, that’s for sure.

Not everyone has the ability to return to work after treatment; many people are given restrictions upon their return; unfortunately, individuals sometime do not have a job to return to.  I do look forward to going back to work, but I know that it will be very difficult.

In a sense, I’m thankful for the timing of my diagnosis.  Had I not been diagnosed, I would have been granted my 12 weeks of maternity leave and then required to return.  Instead, I have had nearly 5 wonderful months at home with my baby girl – watching her grow, watching her learn new things, simply getting to be her mommy.

 

And that won’t change when I return to work – I know that – but it will just be a bit harder to have those mid-afternoon naps with her sleeping on my chest 🙂

Life is slowly returning to normal for my little family.  It’s a welcomed change, but also a difficult one – because our life has changed since my diagnosis.  We are parents to this beautiful, happy little girl whom we love beyond words and I have been blessed to have had this time at home with her.

It is important that life get back to normal.  A cancer diagnosis is the total and complete opposite of “normal” – it turns your world upside down for a period of time and then when it’s all over, when that normalcy begins to return, you find that you have a renewed sense of spirit, of life, and you want that to soak into all of the other “normal” parts of your life.

All of us on this earth are here to learn a lesson.  Perhaps several, actually.  A lesson of love, of humility, of courage, of hope.  Whatever our lesson may be, we need to go out and share that lesson with others.  Share how that lesson has changed your life for the better – how wonderful your “new normal” is.

I will return to work on February 8th, but I won’t be returning as the same person who left nearly 8 months ago.  I will be returning renewed, refreshed, with a new lease on life.  A lease on life that may have gotten a bit rusty over the years..  I will return, knowing what love beyond measure truly means because I am now a mother.  I will return stronger, braver, more ready to take on the world than I’ve ever been.

I am grateful for the time I was able to spend at home without the worry of work, and also extremely thankful to have a job to return to.  My daughter will be brought up to understand that her parents work to make a better life for her and for the family, and I know she will be proud.