If you were to think about it for a moment, who would you say is your number one fan?
Someone who has cheered you on, picked you up when you’ve fallen, tries to shield you from the bad in this world, takes care of you when you are sick…
Your number one fan may be a parent, a sibling – maybe a best friend.
Mine has been with me since the beginning…my mother.
“Every woman needs a daughter.”
Those are the words my mom said to me when she found out I was having a little girl. I could see the joy in her face as she said it.
She found out (unfortunately) before I had had the chance to tell her what the baby would be. I had been admitted to the hospital on June 27 and she was staying with me. The rest of the family had met up in St. Louis for a Cardinals/Cubs game (a yearly tradition!) where my husband and I agreed that he would continue with the gender reveal as we had planned. As my mom was reading an article I had pulled up on my phone, a text message came across from my sister that read “IT’S A GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!” My mom saw the message and was elated to say the least! Though it wasn’t how I had wanted her to find out, it was wonderful all the same.
As any mother-daughter relationship, we have had our ups and downs. At 28 years old, she can still say things that rub me the wrong way – and vice versa. But at 28, I am still finding out that a daughter’s need for her mother never goes away, no matter how old.
My mother is an R.N. When I got sick, I can only imagine how difficult it was to hear what the doctors were saying and able to understand the severity of it. I think it would have been so difficult to separate the personal and professional in a situation like that. I have asked her in the past what it was like when I first got sick, and she told me how difficult it was to be a mother and having to watch her daughter go through a trauma like that, and equally good and bad parts about being a nurse and knowing how life threatening it really was.
My health problems started on October 10, 2001 when I had a massive seizure in the garage. My dad got me to the hospital in 6 minutes (when it typically took 20) as my mom held me in the backseat, sobbing and praying that I would be okay. I don’t remember anything from that day, but I do remember waking up in a St. Louis hospital and my mom was at my bedside. She explained what had happened and was there to comfort me in the moment that my life changed forever.
Fast forward about a year, and I had been on the transplant list since the year before. Sitting in my first hour class on a rainy Monday morning, my aunt (who also happened to be the school secretary) quickly summoned me into the hall where she told me through tear-stained eyes that “they have found a kidney.” My mom was on her way to pick me up and we were heading to St. Louis. The transplant was successful and I don’t remember a second of it, but I do remember waking up several hours later and she was at my side…
She was by my side when I received my first and second cancer diagnoses.
She dropped everything to be by my side when my third diagnosis came this past summer.
She was at my side as my husband and I welcomed our daughter into the world just a few short months ago.
She has never left my side – and I know she never will. That is the job of a mother… to stick by your child, through thick and thin. You may not always get along, but you will always love each other.
Not all mothers get the blessing of watching their daughter beat cancer three times. If this disease had taken my life, I know that my mother would have been right by my side until the end. She would have made sure that I was buried in my wedding dress, which was a topic so emotionally raw to discuss, but we did it nonetheless…
But this story has a happy ending!
As I stare at my beautiful little girl, I now understand what a mother’s love is. It is knowing that you will do anything and everything for your child – you will protect her, fight for her, believe in her, teach her, listen to her, learn from her, LOVE her.
I know all of these things because of my mother’s love. Unselfish, unconditional love. At the times that I probably didn’t deserve her love at all, that’s when she loved me the most. I knew I could always count on her.
She would always be by my side.
I only hope that I can be half the mother to my little girl that she has been to me. Our journey is not over yet, we have a long way to go. Many more memories to be made – more laughs, more tears, more joy and sorrow.
And more love. Much more love.
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