30 Years in Love

In today’s world, it is so easy to walk away from something when we feel like it doesn’t suit us anymore.  Jobs, activities, relationships…  Perhaps things just get ‘too hard’ for us and we don’t want to fight for it anymore.

Our societal norm has become okay with granting annulments and divorces whenever one party has the slighest of complaints or their short attention span has shifted to something else that they believe will make them happier.

You watch as so many couples battle it out over who gets the house or the car or the business.  In the majority of these situations, innocent children are in the background, watching their parents act like ridiculous, spoiled adolescents.  The kids suffer the most in these situations and it’s so sad.

Let me just say that this is not the situation every time.  Sometimes relationships are just not meant to last, even after everything has been attempted to make it so.  There are adults who can remain mature and civil with each other when dealing with separation or divorce.  There are mature adults who may have differences that do not allow them to be married anymore, but they are able to be in the same room and even carry on a decent conversation with each other when it comes to important issues like their children.  For those of you that fall into this group, I offer you much applause – because it is difficult for many.

But even with the divorce rates as high as they are, there are still great stories out there of couples who have fought through everything meant to tear them apart and have remained together, coming out stronger and more united because of it.  They are the ones who didn’t take the easy way out – who didn’t get selfish when things got tough – but stuck it out and worked through it.

And in a society like ours, with temptations knocking at our door every single day, this is something to be damn proud of!

My parents recently celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary on October 18.  This is a huge accomplishment and I am so incredibly proud of them!

In 30 years, you are bound to have some incredible highs – and incredible lows – within your relationship.

Some of their biggest highs include raising 7 children!  Seeing all of them through their early years, attending sporting events, music performances, academic bowls, braving those teenage years…  Their eldest 6 all attended college on partial or full-ride scholarships!  And their 7th is still in high school, preparing for a successful college career!

Other highs include building a successful business, hosting family and friends throughout the years, countless home projects, work achievements and several others!

However, some of the lows that come with 30 years of marriage include managing the care of ailing parents, the lows that go with running a business, deaths of several close friends and the stresses of a very sick child.

It is hard to put 30 years of life into a few hundred words, but I am proud of everything that those 30 years have taught me, including:

• Respect.  You don’t always have to agree with your spouse.  In fact, you may disagree very often; but it is important to always respect their opinion, whether you agree with it or not.
• Love.  If you’re going to spend 30 years with someone, there’s probably a very good chance that you love them.  Otherwise, you wouldn’t put your time and effort into making something last so long!  You may not always like your spouse or what they do, but you will always love them.  It is okay to be angry at them, but do not let it consume you.  It is very difficult to take back words that have been spoken in anger, so it is better to simply step away and return to each other once you have calmed down.
• Support.  This is extremely important.  If your spouse does not have your support, then how are others expected to support them?  It shows trust in your spouse.
• Love does not always have to be physical.  Some of the most honest displays of love can come from simple things – a sweet card saying “I love you THIS MUCH!” left by your husband when he leaves for work at 4AM, or from the independence granted to you when your spouse takes over child-duty and allows you to do things that you enjoy.
• You can still fall in love with your spouse year after year after year.  After 30 years, they can still act like young kids in love – excited to see each other at the end of a long day, sweet loving touches and kisses.  You are never too old to display your affection (even if your children find it ‘yucky.’)

I am only 2.5 years into my own marriage, and yes, we have had to deal with a lot in that short time.  But if we can be as happy in love thirty years from now as my parents have shown, I will consider our relationship extremely blessed.

It is really easy to throw in the towel when things get hard or don’t go your way.  That is why anything worth having means having to work hard at it.  It won’t come easy.  But in the end, it will be so incredibly worth it that you wouldn’t have wanted anyone else by your side while life was happening around you.

Appreciate those little moments in life – you will look back one day and realize they were the big moments!